Trust and Control (or lack thereof) and how things worked out

Are you a go with the flow kind of person? Well, if so, I envy you. I am not one of those people. I am queen of making plans, of lists, of controlling/planning things. I love planning birthday parties, camping trips, family bbq’s, and all that stuff. I love making lists for cleaning, and groceries, I like to meal plan.

This last year has really pushed me outside my comfort zone in that I’ve had to relinquish control of a lot of things. I shall tell you this, you’d think that after a year of learning to be out of control, I’d be used to it. Yes and no. This last year has been hard. The military life has shown me how unpredictable things get, and try as I might, I just cannot plan for every situation that will happen. We were approaching the end of his course, and even though we  didn’t know where we would be posted, we had a few ideas. So, in my infinite wisdom, I tried researching all the places we might be headed.

What schools do they have?

Whats the cost of living?

What can we afford?

Whats transit like?

It started getting overwhelming, but I persisted, because I felt like I needed to contribute to this situation somehow. I felt like it would only be fair to try and help research where we might be headed. I learned the hard way that it was just not worth it. My body started reacting to stress of the overwhelming situation in a way I had not experienced. It was horrible. So, I looked at the situation and realized that I cannot be in control, and I let God back into the drivers seat.

Pretty sure my prayer was this:  I cannot do this, physically or mentally. You know what we need, and you will put us where we need to be. You’ve got this. I will trust in you.

I prayed this a lot, amongst other things.

So, the weeks leading up to his posting were about trying not to stress. I read many books to distract myself, watched mindless tv, prayed and noticed my mental and physical states were improving.

Tony went through stressful exams and graduated his course. The thing he had been working towards for the last year was finished. The whole day I was on pins and needles because he would finally get his posting. It wasn’t until later in the evening for him that he was able to briefly text me one word : Kingston.

My jaw hit the floor. Kingston was an army base, not airforce. It wasn’t on our radar at all. I think it shocked him as much as it shocked me.

I was elated, and I’ll tell you why.

While visiting Tony there in March, I vividly remember driving with him through the city and sighing and tell him I wish it was possible to be posted here because it feels so much like home. It was a weird feeling, because I had been there for less than a week, and I felt so comfortable there.

He told me that he really liked it there too, but that we should focus on places we were likely to be posted to, and Kingston was not ever on our radar.

So, this is why my jaw dropped after reading that text. I almost thought it was a mistake. When he was able to, he called and we talked about his new posting, and it was no mistake. God found us a place where I’d be most at home.

I told Tony what I had been praying for in the last few weeks and he chuckled and jokingly said “So you’re to blame for where we’re going.”

Pretty cool story, eh?

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One thought on “Trust and Control (or lack thereof) and how things worked out

  1. I really understand what you’re talking about…the whole control thing gets to me so many times…and, finally, this past weekend, I finally realized that no matter what I would try…I always crashed and burned…so…(I guess I needed to get a 2 x 4 to hit me over the head) this was similar……God’s in the driver’s seat now….and I feel at Peace about all of it….Let Go and Let God…and above all, He’s giving me the fortitude and the Peace in my heart to actually Let GO… I’m so very proud of you Miranda because I know how hard it is to not be in control. But also knowing that HE’S in control now….and, he knows what he’s doing!!!! Glad you’re happy about the location…..Love you!

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